September 20, 2012

One and Done?

Since Miles was born, I've spent a lot of time musing over whether or not having more kids is right for us. As I was sitting here thinking about only children, a lot of funny images came to mind, like:






All stereotypes aside, I think there's a tendency to put a negative spin on only children- a friend of mine even said, "How sad!" when I told her I wouldn't mind if Miles was our only baby. I do know families with only children who are perfectly happy that way (and they're not just on TV, as a couple people have suggested to me). 

My own history may have a lot to do with it. I have three siblings, and a lot of times growing up I felt crowded or like I was fighting for attention from my parents (I'm not saying I wish I didn't have siblings because I love them all to death, but as a child it was a source of angst). Once Parker and I decided we would start trying to have a baby, it wasn't all easy breezy. There were many months when I longed with my whole being to see two lines on the pregnancy test but was disappointed. I finally got to the point where I realized that month wasn't my time (I had a few of these realizations after some good long cries). We dealt with losses, too. So, when Miles was born, I felt like my prayers had been answered. I still feel that way.

Part of me is also scared. I've seen friends go from one kid to two kids (and some even to three!) and it seems like the level of crazy goes up by...a lot. Miles is a very small amount of crazy. I like that. Some of my other worries come from concerns about finances. If Miles wants to go to an Ivy League school and he has the grades to get him there, I want to be able to help send him- I don't think that's an unreasonable concern (and, again, has a lot to do with my own experiences).

I'd love to hear from the mamas out there. If you're the parent of an only child, how did you come to your decision?



10 comments:

Taara said...

Our second was a surprise, but we were pretty sure we wanted at least two, now we are totally on the fence about having a third. I just wrote about it last week actually! :)

Chantal said...

We want two, and maybe just maybe, three. But I have 3 sisters and love having siblings, and I don't feel like we're complete just yet. I know if we have a boy next we will be done, and if we have a girl we might consider a third, though I'm fine with only two girls!

Sable Weisman said...

I am not a mama of any children yet =0) but I am a wife to an only child who always relished his single-child status. If you ever want to ask him about his experience growing up, just e-mail me! I can get you guys in touch via email or phone.

Veralynn said...

@ Sable- I'm so glad to hear that! So many people tell me that all only children hate it. It's not always true! :) -V

lisacng @ expandng.com said...

Honestly, during J's 1st year, I didn't think I wanted a 2nd child. It was crazy stressful and tiring. But now that J is 2, I'm ready for 2nd one. Maybe we aren't financially ready, or settled into our jobs yet, at least I know I'm emotionally and physically ready for 2nd. So, my advice to you is wait and see. You might change your mind down the line. Don't say I only want one, or I definitely want 2, just let time tell :).

Veralynn said...

@ Lisa- that's great advice. Right now I would say that I don't think I could handle another one, or that at this point in my life I would want a second baby. But if I ever get pregnant again, I will enjoy the ride, love that baby, and rock being a mama of two- because how could I not? :) -V

Devon Riesenberg said...

It's a near-daily struggle in my head on whether or not to want more than one. Is there even enough room in my heart for another baby? Jack is like our golden child. Can we afford to maintain the lifestyle Jack has with 2? There is also a lot of pressure on families to keep growing. I get asked all the time if/when we plan on having more children...you aren't alone on this topic! I love the idea of "just us three" but I think long term, it will be worth it to expand...we shall see ;)

a_est said...

My husband and I are expecting our first child in January and we discussed the possibility of having one & done. We decided against it because we'll be moving a lot and our daughter won't grow up near any family so we want to [at least try to] give her a sibling in a few years. We'll definitely only have two children total though!

Anonymous said...

The only thing that makes me sad about only children is that when you and your husband are gone, you child is left with little to no family. I think having those family bonds as an adult it so important. I don't know what I would do without my siblings!

Donna said...

My father was an only child and he liked being an only child. But growing up with him as my dad I saw some of the affects of him being an only child and decided I would have at least two. One, he did not share well, even with my mom. Two, he had little regard for other people's schedules, he did what he wanted when he wanted.

It was hard when I had my first son to think of adding another because I loved him so much and enjoyed my time with him. He was great playing by himself and we had a pretty calm life. I could not believe I would love another child as much. But 2 1/2 years later I found I could love two, God expands the love.

A third thought, a friend of mine waited 5 years between her two kids purposely so they could both feel a little like only children but also knew what it was like to have a sibling. That was how she grew up and she loved it.

You asked for thought so here they are. I know you and Parker will make the right choice for your sweet family.