Since Miles was born it had just become so much easier to head to the nearest drive-thru and grab something I could eat in the car on my way home. The more I thought about this new habit, the more I felt grossed out by it. Obviously, the number on the scale started going up bit by bit and then I just felt helpless and grossed out and tired. Once Miles was old enough to start on solids, I researched to no end and put all my efforts into making sure Miles was introduced to healthy foods; meanwhile, I didn't care at all what was going into my own body. The New Year came and went, taking a pregnancy with it. When I had the miscarriage I just felt foggy and so physically heavy with sadness that I didn't even feel like eating- when I did, it was fast food. A big part of why I'm going back to the basics of eating well is because I'm desperately trying to find tangible ways to treat my body more carefully and with respect, because all I've felt lately is that it's a failure which just disappoints me again and again. I think it's normal to feel that disappointment; however, my body also gave me the gift of Miles and the ability to nourish him in his first months of his life. The more I study science, the more I appreciate the endless to-do list that my body goes through every second of every minute of every day, just to function as it should. I am starting to see the value in this body, and I am grateful for it.
Like many of the realizations I've had since becoming a mother, Miles has inspired me to live more fully in ways I never expected. Before he started walking on his own, he would grip my hands so tightly that it would cut off circulation to my fingers. We've walked this way together for months, and I don't know what changed in his mind on that first day he decided to finally let go and try to walk on his own, but the look of pure joy on his face when he realized for himself what he can do- that was my inspiration. It's been a week now and I can already tell a difference in my energy level and, overall, I feel pretty darn great. That's not to say that I don't crave a cheeseburger, but I have plenty of healthy alternatives stocked up in my fridge and that has been key in keeping hunger and the temptation to drive-thru at bay. So, while I'm cautiously optimistic about continuing on, I do still have twenty-one days to go! Keep your fingers crossed for me.
PS- If you have any go-to recipes that are healthy and somewhat quick to prepare, leave a link or the recipe in the comments! I'm planning on trying some new ones in the next weeks and I will share all my favorites.
Much love to you all!