July 1, 2008

Back to the Same Ol' Thing

God has really shown me lately that my life needs to be straightened up and out. There are so many little things I've let slip in my daily walk with Him- who I let myself get close to in friendship has been a big one; also, giving. When Pastor Duane and James were talking at fourth service about giving two weeks ago, it was like the Holy Spirit was knocking me upside the head with a baseball bat. Had my conscience gotten so dull that I hadn't even thought about it? No...it was a blatant disregard for God's sovereignty over that aspect of my life. I'd been so worried about how the money would appear to finish my degree at Master's that I somehow felt the need to take it into my own hands and just save everything that was coming in. Yet it was okay for me to buy other little things, like a song on iTunes, or a movie ticket? I felt the conviction. I made the appropriate changes, but I still struggle with God's sovereignty in regards to Master's. You'd think a school who's very name reflects our Master would help, but I need God's constant reminders to me that He's in charge of everything- even student loans and the future of a worried college student. 
As for friendship, I'm having a pretty rough time. As humans we crave companionship, but our sinful nature longs for a "friend" who tells us that our sin is okay, because we're "good people"... or not as bad as some. That's what I've been overwhelmed with. I don't want to be the friend that lets everything slip and at the end of the day says you're walking side by side with God. I can't do it. And I don't want friends to tell me that if it isn't true.
I'll write more later.


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