June 18, 2008

I've Been Douped

Relient K- Fallen Man

(Take the title for what it's worth- it fits...)

So Relient K is having this online scavenger hunt to promote their new CD "The Birds and the Bee Sides"- and today I joined in on the fun. The rewards? Five free songs from the new CD before it's released on July 1. Today I won the song "Hope for Every Fallen Man". As soon as the intro started playing I knew I would enjoy yet another lyrical wonder by Matt Thiessen...but I had no idea how applicable the lyrics are for my life right now.

The whole thing I'm trying to connect this to is probably pretty obvious to people who know what's been going on with me in the last few months. For someone I cared so much about, things sure changed fast. I thought I had things pretty much figured out- what happened, and what was happening now. Not really. Sunday was a day of revelation- the news was broken to me that we (meaning me and whatshisname) weren't even friends anymore. That hurt like nothing else: to me, friendship isn't something that ends when you hit a rough patch. The same goes with love. So Sunday was a hard day. After fourth service I was at home, upset, and I thought, "Hmm. I wonder if he ever had a blog." I knew what he would name it if he did, and so I typed it in. I honestly thought it would come up as invalid, but it didn't. Entries all the way from the beginning of December told me I had not a clue what was going on. And it was worse than I could imagine. Worse, when I asked him about it, he said he felt "violated," that he did nothing wrong, and that he didn't want to talk about it. That's when I realized: there is absolutely no way things will ever go back to where they were, and I was glad. God knew what He was doing when he stepped in and intervened (also pointing out that neither one of us is exactly to blame). Even though he was upset to be found out, I'm sincerely glad that I found that blog- otherwise I might've gone my whole life wondering. Now, I'm supposed to pretend like I don't know he exists. So I'm not going to talk about "him" anymore. I don't know who he is.

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