I didn't really know Jeremy. I saw him a lot in passing at Jason and Ashley's. Sometimes he was with our group of friends that would go out to Applebee's for dinner on a random weeknight. I do know that he loved ice cream. And he came to Late Service a few times- he'd stand on the stairs by the stage and talk to Jason afterwards- the very first time I met him we talked about the music and I was happy he liked it. He just seemed like a calm, nice guy who cared about his family and friends. I never heard him say anything negative. And always with a carton of ice cream, but so thin! I guess that's what I remember most about him.
For some reason, I don't know how to handle death and people I know dying. I mean, their body is here but they aren't? Where did they go? I mean, I know about souls and what the Bible says about where we go when we physically die, but I don't understand it. Maybe no one really does. I've never really had anyone really close to me die, which is a blessing. I can't imagine losing a brother. It hurts just thinking about it. And it hurts thinking about Jeremy. A small part I think is because he was someone who, although I didn't know very well, I did see pretty consistently over the last months and I just can't wrap my mind around him not being here. Mostly I think it's because I love Jason and Ashley, and Tyler- I hate seeing friends hurting, and there isn't anything anyone can do to fix this. It's one of the things that heals with time, and I don't know how to deal with that either.
These last few days have had me thinking about how much I treasure my loved ones and what a gift each day of life is. And how important it is to not go to sleep angry at anyone. This is where trusting God comes into light. Even if we do our best to be at peace with everyone, people will still die. But God is still in control and it's His timing. And His plan is so perfect that I'll never understand it. I'm working on trusting Him more and more each day.